Dealing with the potential in-laws
This post is a rant, and I have no qualms about such. It may seem strange to post blow-by-blow details of a family quarrel for all the Web to see, but I need the catharsis. Deal with it. 
Those of you who know Lisa are aware that she is level-headed, open-minded and rational. For this, I am deeply grateful. Unfortunately, the apple fell pretty far from the tree.
She recently requested that her parents turn over her passport, which is stored in their safe. The immediate impetus is that we will be in Sault Ste. Marie on our upcoming vacation, and we might decide to visit Canada. Beyond that, however, Lisa is an adult and has the right to make decisions regarding the management of her personal paperwork.
Therefore, perhaps naively, neither of us anticipated any problems with this straightforward request. To make a long story short, her mother threw a fit; she has, thus far, refused to provide the passport or any satisfactory reason for hoarding it.
I had to suppress quite a bit of rage as I wrote the following email:
Can you please explain why you are rejecting Lisa’s request for her
passport? What possible use could you have for it?If the issue is the cost you incurred (application fees, photo fees,
etc.), I will be glad to reimburse you.If the issue is safe-keeping, rest assured that I have offered the use
of my bank safety-deposit box, and Lisa is very comfortable storing it
there.If the issue is a concern that we are planning to leave the country,
rest assured that, aside from the occasional short trips to Canada, we
have no plans along these lines. (And even if we did, that’s our business.)Lisa is an adult, and I’d appreciate it if you treated her accordingly.
Thank you.
This is the same mother (a term I’m using lightly) who has told Lisa, to her face, “I am not proud of the young lady you’re becoming” and “heaven forbid you have kids — some people should not reproduce”.
I was really hoping to have an amicable relationship with Lisa’s parents. It saddens me deeply that we’ve been forced into the position of considering a complete estrangement in order to protect ourselves from a steady stream of insulting and irrational behavior.
I would have to agree with Andrew your grammar is impeccable!
Rock On,
Li
Lisa
27 Jun 07 at 12:10 am
[...] what of those parents with a looser grip on reality? Being unable to rationally counter the points I made in support of Lisa being given her passport (in fact, the email has been read and ignored), [...]
Kevin DeGraaf’s Blog » Fleeing the country
28 Jun 07 at 6:28 pm
Getting into a state of rage at one’s potential in-laws is not good for you, them, or your relationship. Avoid this. At all costs. This is grief you do not want to partake of.
This does not mean “roll over”. Since the passport is unavailable, simply go to the post office, explain that the passport is lost or stolen, and that a new one is needed. Rather than trying to force them to conform them to your will, make their irrational behavior irrelevent.
sjs
3 Jul 07 at 11:52 am
I would have to agree with “sjs”. I deal with a little bit of this sort of behavior (though not to the same extent) with my parents. Filling a vat of angst, confusion and frustration can only lead to larger problems later on when said vat becomes leaky and/or tips over (which it inevitably will).
I might clarify that relegating irrational behavior to an irrelevent status doesn’t mean ignoring them completely - that could lead to similar grief. This is a tough and annoying situation though. It doesn’t sound like there is any perfect solution. Maybe with the right number of level-headed, rational communications (your email was pretty good) they will start to change, but don’t expect a 180 any time soon.
Good luck man! Let me know if you need to have a beer sometime
jca
4 Jul 07 at 1:29 pm
“I would have to agree with Andrew your grammar is impeccable!”
He must have had a great English teacher.
Karl
18 Jul 07 at 8:24 pm